Friday, May 27, 2011


Because you might not be able to stand the heat.

Speaking of the Heat, all you people who keep emailing me every time Wade or Cleveland Jim (Lebron) makes a free throw and asking me "what do you think of the Heat now?" can stop.

The series isn't over until the fat lady sings.

Celebrating a Heat championship now is like congratulating your client after the jury is seated (which we've actually done, but it's a ballsy move and we don't recommend it.)

Lets see if the Heat can beat the Mavs. If they can, they will get all the accolades they deserve. If they don't, it will be a colossal failure. The pressure is on.

Everything you wanted to know about the SAO's new DUI diversion but you couldn't ask because you don't have Bobby Reiff's cellphone.

Some rules (As per Mr. Reiff's email):

Defendants involved in accidents are not eligible unless the defendant was not at fault for the accident;

All defendants will be required “to sign a ‘Statement of Personal Responsibility’ to be admitted in the program. This statement then could be used against the defendant if he or she is bounced out of the program;

The defendant may not have any prior alcohol related driving history;

They may have no more than one prior, non-violent felony convictions or two prior misdemeanor convictions;

They cannot have completed more than one felony or misdemeanor diversion programs;

There must not have been any minor children in the vehicle at the time;

They cannot have had a suspended driver’s license at the time of the arrest unless the suspension had expired.

The program is not retroactive- meaning you cannot set aside your client's prior plea and get them into the program.

nb: Bobby Reiff is the point man on this, meaning the rules are NOT his. He is merely being kind enough to assist the SAO in disseminating information about THEIR program. Don't bug him if you don't like the rules. Send us an email about the Heat instead.

Back on Track Program Requirements

The summer holiday season is upon us.
Take some time and smell the ocean breeze. Barbecue. Drink a beer or two. Take a deep breath. Put down those FLWs and read a book. We recommend "The Wizard Of Lies" although DOM recommended Lucifer's Hammer, which starts really slow if you ask us.

In short- enjoy life this weekend. Work will be here when you return Tuesday.




CAPTAIN said...

Or plant an American flag in front of your home on Monday!

Anonymous said...

what, or who, is mcq/gcm?

Eye on DUI said...

You'd think that FACDL woukd have sent someone with some political savvy into the DUI Diversion meetings. Now clients have to confess before entering the program. If you bounce out they can use it? OK, the gander rule will allow me to argue that the State forces a confession out of you before you can get into a diversion program. And when you cant pay the ransom and bounce out they jam the confession up your ass at trial? Jury will love that, State.

Someone call The Q!

Anonymous said...

What is KENNY W. doing for the long weekend? Hamptons, South France, Vegas?

Anonymous said...

That "statement of personal responsibility" to be used if your client bounces out of the program comes from the Broward SAO. The fun challenge for defense attorneys is how to draft a statement that will satisfy the program requirements while being useless against your client later on. Attorneys who practice a lot in Broward get pretty skilled at this.

Anonymous said...

What a jerk you are eye on DUI.

If you're so fucking smart why didn't you volunteer your time to meet with the SAO.

I love all you arm chair quarterbacks who sit back and then complain about what all of us do as volunteer work.

Anonymous said...

If I ran the SAO, every misdemeanor PTI would include a guilty plea to be vacated upon completion. The only reason for re-enroll should be financial bounce out.

Anonymous said...

I have noticed a few "Broward-like" changes in Miami-Dade.

1) The confession a client must write before entering DUI diversion
2) The new PTI guidelines for out of state participants.

C'mon, folks. I liked the old Miami just fine. Broward is as backward as the rest of this hillbilly state. Miami was the last refuge of reason.

Anonymous said...

this whole program is idiotic. i cant believe for a few grand MADD was bought off on this. they are just a fraud


Rump- report from Outpost Dupont:

still waiting for our FACDL dinner. Waiter said kitchen is almost caught up and it should be out shortly.

We will advise when we are eating.

Anonymous said...

To 8:59 am, you should have gone to the PBA dinner last Saturday. It's the best-catered event of the year with plenty of gourmet food for everyone and it's cheaper than the FACDL's!

Anonymous said...

8:19 am, don't forget when one of the founders of MADD went to work for the liquor industry arguing in favor of the old .10 limit.

Anonymous said...

Why not make your clients DU admisssion a proffer for a plea? Per the Ev. code ( FS ch90) and the Rules CRM PRO they CAN NOT be used against yo in cour.

Angry gurl said...

I don't like or need this holiday weekend BS. Everyone running around telling everyone "have a great holiday weekend." What- my Tuesday should suck? What about next weekend, why can't that be great too?

All these phonies make me ill.

And why do I have to be told that this is the weekend to see a movie? So I can rush out to the theatre and stand in line with a bunch of losers and then be crowded into some stinky theatre where fat people stuff themselves with popcorn and candy and coke and watch insipid films that for 90 minutes take them away from their boring, dreary lives?

Really, you can have this whole Memorial day crap.

I'm going to the gym today. Then I'm going home and eating a salad. Tonight I will listen to a classical concert on satellite radio. Tomorrow I will be at the gym in the morning and then spend the afternoon by the pool reading a book and perfecting my tan. Somewhere in the weekend I will work in a massage by my masseuse who visits my condo. And I will be happy being away from all you creeps. Go enjoy your WHopper and get a heart attack and die already.

Anonymous said...

To Angry Gurl:

Apparently they haven't blocked your email yet. Someone should really seriously look into it.

I'm trying to put into writing what polite contempt and disgust we feel for your self-indulgent life-style. Are you trying to make us jealous? Just because you are so resentful of others is this how your respond? Very mature!

We all have different tastes and hobbies and enjoy them during our spare time.

The wish "to have a great weekend," is to wish someone well enjoying their individual pursuits.

Just because you like to describe in graphic detail your pursuits doesn't make yours any better. And because you feel contempt for everyone makes you a bit of a sociopath worthy of psychoanalysis as we've said time after time after time about you and your sad life.

It is pathetic that you can't get outside of yourself and give a little bit of energy to other people. Try volunteering some place.

And the fact that you mention your privileges of a massage at home is supposed to make you a better person, more educated, more worthy of your privileges?

I think you are a little old to still be playing the cute little girl asking others to come take care of you.

I take care of my mother who had a stroke 24/7 for the past eight years. I have a sister who is a piece of shit just like you.

Non-Angry-Man said...

What is so phony about somebody telling another person to have a "great holiday weekend."
IMHO I find it to be a simple act of random kindness and good manners- something you are in clear need of.

Memorial Day Crap-- really? Is that how much respect you show for fallen soldiers? Memorial Day is a time to not only honor the Union soldiers, who had died during the American Civil War, but all men and women, who died in any war or military action.

If you think we are creeps why do you continue to post here? Why do you continue to read this blog? You come here to seek attention- don't you? Didn't receive any when you were a kid? Wait....I'm having a Dr. Phil moment-- you weren't breastfed enough when you were a child.

You wish death on someone eating a hamburger? Wow, I feel really sorry for you. Bad karma wishing death on anyone.

Perfecting your tan-- I prefer my women with a natural G-d given born tan. A tanned womans legs wrapped around my waist......CALLING THE SHUMIE

Anonymous said...

If @1:28 takes offense at people wishing them a great holiday weekend or any kind of greeting than it is clear there is something wrong with him/her.


Anonymous said...

Angry girl is so stupid. I just went to a movie with my beautiful, successful husband! Laughed and ate popcorn. Now we will have great sex and then barbecue tomorrow. Have a great lonely weekend with your salads'

Anonymous said...

Is there no end to angry gurls' stupidity-- bad mouthing judges, lawyers, the obese and now people who wish her a great holiday weekend? What do you prefer-- having someone tell you have a bad weekend? Telling someone to have a good day and/or weekend indicates you care for their well being and demonstrates manners.

Anonymous said...

@4:07-- A tanned womans legs wrapped around my waist-- much thanks for the image. BTW-- The shumie was called Friday afternoon and will be in effect until Tuesday-- unless the official ref has an objection?

Anonymous said...

Have you any idea how a few simple words can uplift a person having perhaps a bad day? Kind words do not cost much-- yet they accomplish so much.

Anonymous said...

That has got to be one of the most stupidiest things I have heard-- angry over someone telling you to have a great holiday?

Listen up angury girl- the man eating the whopper, the people eating buttery popcorn will live longer than you and you know why? Not wishing any ill will towards you because as @4:07 points out it is bad karma BUT your pent up anger is going to one day come back and haunt you in the form of a heart attack. Lighten up.

Anonymous said...

Angry gurl is as real as
The Trialmaster.

Anonymous said...

I am the uninitiated:

I thought calling the Shumie was to call a person. I'm kind of getting that it is a relaxed, uplifting frame of mind one enjoys at the end of the day or on Fridays with plenty of laughs. Is that right?

Please educate me on the source and exact meaning. I'm sure the meaning has changed over the years, but the origin might be pretty interesting.