Friday, July 27, 2007


In the limp aftermath of the most notorious prosecution in Florida involving sexual organs since the Miami Dade SAO secured a conviction against Jim Morrison of the Doors, the Broward Masturbation case has left us feeling, well, unfulfilled.

The Defendant was convicted which is embarrassing as it is unfair. The Broward SAO and one particular female BSO Officer remain steadfast and unbowed in their attempt to rid the world of self gratification. They may as well use tweezers to clear Florida beaches of sand while they’re at it. Perhaps the Broward SAO’s lack of prosecutorial discretion, which those of us in the criminal defense community have known about for years, now on public…ahem.. display for all to see, may be the first chink in the armor of long time State Attorney Mike Satz.

Meanwhile, in Dade County, Corrections officials were shocked! Shocked ! to learn that the man accused of killing the bondsman trying to apprehend him, was left in a Van in sweltering heat for hours at TGK after returning from court. The Herald article is

And finally, the Director of the FBI, Robert Mueller, gave testimony to the House Judiciary Committee, in which he, in effect, called the Attorney General of the United States a liar.

The Attorney General testified earlier in the week that when he was White House Counsel, he and his top assistant decided “on the spur of the moment” to race to the hospital bedside of then attorney General John Ashcroft to “bring him some flowers and candy, and if he felt up to it, have him renew our program allowing the government to spy on its citizens. But only if he was really feeling jolly.”

Muller has never adequately explained why he felt it necessary to order FBI agents to prevent Gonzalez and Bush henchman Andrew Card from removing deputy attorney General Comey, who was also present, from Ashcroft’s room.

“Gonzalez and Card love to sneak candy” said an unidentified White House spokesman. We believe Director Mueller was justifiably concerned that those two knuckleheads would chow down all of Ashcroft’s candy. You know how those guys get when their wives let them out at night.”

Somehow, we just don’t buy it.

The administration would be well advised to remember that it's members do not fair well when charged with perjury. There is a growing belief that the Attorney General may well have walked himself into a perjury trap before the Senate. With the federal guidelines being as unfair as they are for obstruction of justice, he apparently has little to worry about in terms of prison time.

Broward is concerned about the front side of what’s in a person’s pants, while the Attorney General of the United States acts like the backside.

See You In Court.


Anonymous said...

One for the good guys -- City of Miami Police Dept. goes down for eating its own:


Sam I Am said...

Capone, for all his violent misdeeds, went down on tax evasion.

It would be (somewhat) sad to see Gonzalez, an abettor of war crimes, taken down for lying about the circumstances of the Ashcroft visit.

Rumpole said...

It's 12:12 PM, and if Ginn isn't signed and in camp in pads, I hope Huizinga makes good on his threat and doesn't sign him for the year. Screw these spoiled athletes holding out, taking money and doing nothing. Can you say Jason Allen? 1st rounder last year, held out, and couldn't even crack the starting lineup on special teams. I say if Ginn isn't signed, he's the guy to prove a point with. It's not like he is going to be the difference between winning the super bowl. Lock em out.

(I don't feel well and I'm in a sour mood).

Anonymous said...

i hope you feel better soon rump...
is there anything i can do to get you into a better mood?

Anonymous said...

I should be on death row if jerking off is illegal.

Posted by: Ken Jenne

Anonymous said...


Ginn should try to get whatever he can get. These players ruin their bodies for these teams. And, when the player is no longer of any use to the team, the player is cut and the team cancels the contract with payment. And, when the player is crippled afterward based upon injuries sustained during the playing of the game, the league refuses to pay. All the while reaping billions of dollars.

See Jani v. Bell, 209 Fed.Appx. 305 (4th Cir. 2006)(case of "Iron" Mike Webster).

Anonymous said...

All of the Broward and Dade ASAs are under a directive to prosecute all cases, no nolle prosse. It is fucking stupid and a waste of money to act this way.

rick freedman said...

JAC $$$$$

Not that anyone should be surprised, but the JAC has run out of money.

The money appropriated for the first quarter, July 1 - September 30, 2007, has been exhausted. The JAC is attempting to get more funds released in the not too distant future.

Here is their memo:

The first quarter release of Criminal and Dependency/Other Civil funds from the Criminal Conflict and Dependency Counsel Liability Category has been exhausted. Funds in this category were appropriated for payments for cases with appointment dates prior to July 1, 2007. The Justice Administrative Commission has requested release of additional funding. We will be working with the Department of Financial Services (DFS) to coordinate the review of bills and disbursement of payments as soon as possible upon release of additional funds.

Rick Freedman

Anonymous said...


In your last post, you said you were "feeling unfulfilled". Well cheer up! Here are my current stats: 30 years old, a virgin and I will have to spend my entire weekend working on a DUI Manslaughter.

A female defense attorney.

Anonymous said...

Hey Rump,

Where is Mitt Romney on your poll ques? He's got a better chance than the bottom 4 and McCain, don't you think?


Rumpole Broadcasting Company, London England. said...

Good evening fellow jurist and bottom feeders. This will be the first in a daily rant and rave of the syndicated soap “As The Court Turns” .

Copyright 2007, Rumpole Broadcasting Company, London England.

In today’s rant the issue of male masturbation was the focus of the Herald and Blogs in the past days. While I agree the cell is a private place I also do agree with the guilty verdict in this particular case ONLY! Why? Because the defendant was arrogant to the demands of the deputy who must be obeyed. Not to mention the fact that she is female and his exposing himself after being asked to stop was in and of it self a disrespectful action that warranted the guilty verdict.

Sure let the guys do what is natural to most and not have criminal charges filed. If you read the details of this story the deputy informs the jury that other inmates do it under the blanket or not in plain view of a female deputy. The deputy should have sought a work transfer to the female jail or some other location were she can read her bible in peace.

Rant conclusion. In this case the inmate got what he deserved for being a arrogant SOB! Now wait just a second if the case will open the flood gates on this subject I respectfully withdraw my support for the conviction and demand that Howard Finkelstein (sic) appeal.

Thought of the night: How would a Chief Justice Roberts opinion on this subject read?

Sam i Am said...

Were I Ginn, I'd ink the contract two minutes past the deadline. If Huizenga wants to make a point while paying me millions of dollars... let him.

Rumpole said...

5:44- my dear unfulfilled colleague. Unfortunately your condition cannot alleviate my condition, as the causes are vastly different. However, tis a noble cause you are engaged in. (Defense not virginity). I am qualified to give you advice on the former, not the latter. However, I wish you the best of luck in both.

We labour here 364 days a year putting up posts very quickly. Every now and then unforseen circumstances will intervene. Such has occured, and all I can say is that you may write your comments secure in the knowledge they will be posted, but this weekend with some delay.